FRECKLES in our EYES [entries|friends|calendar] Ciera [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

(by the way) Sleepwalking. [14 Nov 2009|04:17am] I drown in disbelief. i've lost many friends this month. as time passes i realize my mistakes, and those of my once dependent friends. And it makes no difference.. I am who I am because of the bullshit. And despite where I end up; Miami has my heart. I will leave this place with affection and respect, but not once will I look back.

(by the way) because you know that i can [27 Apr 2009|06:39am] because you know that i can Category: Art and Photography Forever crashing beauties Take form of even the Most abstract animals. I wish to share the sarrow. Perhaps they deserve it. I love you because you were extracted violently From this drug ridden womb. I love you but I don't like ya. I'd like to sit inside your mind Even if it's just to pass the time. It's useless to pretend that I can't tell the difference From start to end.

(by the way) this is the place [27 Dec 2008|04:19pm] [ mood | cheerful ] today i am much better than all the yesterdays put together. i am stable, independent and happy. i just miss my art. here's to the new year. let it be better than the last. let there be more art filled moments.

(by the way) [02 May 2008|12:43am] the sky is the limit, atleast for you. you don't even know me yet so quick to judge. does it make you feel good? to strut your lawyer ass around do you feel like a man with coke grabbing onto your upper lip. you say im too abstract, i was a fool to think you'd understand. twenty six doesn't mean shit to me.

(by the way) the sunlight hit me DEAD in the eye, like IT'S mad i GAVE half the day to LAST NIGHT [09 Apr 2008|12:12am] [ mood | artistic ] It's been ages. I think back to who i was a year ago. What a terrible, confused, damaged person i was. I wish I could take all the wrongs back, but those wrongs helped me discover where i belong, atleast for now. I'm genuienly happy. Great job, great friends. I was working at NIKKI BEACH not too long ago and a young woman came up to be once her 60 year old date was out of earshot. And she whispered; "Marry someone who loves you more than you love them. True love doesnt wait more than a subway car."

(1 TRIED TO STAY | by the way) [12 Dec 2007|11:59pm] I know it's been a while But I'm glad you came I'm in a comfortable place, my arrival long overdue. much love to everyone out there

(2 TRIED TO STAY | by the way) firE RISING [19 Oct 2007|09:39pm] [ mood | creative ] [ music | american beauty ] For the first time in over two years I feel calm. Not a controlled substance calm, the calm and happiness that seizes the personality that I onced owned. Seized it and forced not only a smile, but a whistle. I have never whistled. Not in my whole life. I'm finally moving out, in an "up and coming neighborhood" and i can keep my vices at a distance. Sagittarius has finally left...see you in 27 years. I think I'll minor in astrology. It's the only thing that's ever given me reason to believe. "its a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself." November first "I wanna look good naked." Divorcing Kendall... Doni said something today, about how beck says i suck dick for weed. I know i shouldnt be surprised, but for a short, yet endless time, all that mattered to us was eachother. But just as soon as he's won over by the next love, does he abandon friendship, trust and respect. I can't wait to start over. I wish i could talk to michelle and claire. I know I screwed up, but we each spread our poison, I'd just like to apologize and see how they are. "man you are one twisted fuck." -no i'm just and ordinary chick, with nothing to lose." shani, heather, lara, asha, and anyone else, i wish you the best

(by the way) feliz [05 May 2007|08:59am] My muscles grow tired as time continues forward. Can i even type? I received an invitation to move to nyc... i almost took it, and then regained sensibility. Cali is calling, along with all the other demons of the south. Shall I recover from the great overbearing shadow? I wrote tonight, hopefully it won't be in vain. feliz cinco de mayo

(1 TRIED TO STAY | by the way) Where is home? [19 Mar 2007|06:15pm] [ music | Mirah- Don't die in me ] The wind pulls lightly at the frays in my confidence. But only, so slightly. She once whispered everything to me. When I saw her dressed in a backless robe, a face as pale as the hospital bed she lay crumpled on, then I knew. These hearts would never beat the same. Caught in our constructed state of mind, so fragile. She bruises me with her eyes, and I turn away. Her fragile mind, so easily bent under the weight of my words. Manipulative. Her face breaks into sobs, and I wonder if she hears herself lie.

(1 TRIED TO STAY | by the way) [10 Mar 2007|10:55am] The warmth blankets my stress And I allow my bones to sink deep into the blinding sand. I try not think about this years' fumbles. The lost friendships that may never have be true to begin with. I miss Elvis and Shannon & Heather. But that is all. I'm glad to be far from that place. That place with negative degree weather, and whipping unforgiving winds that are parallel to the people who dwell in the gray city. There isn't much to hold onto. It's an unfamiliar, but strangely welcoming feeling

(by the way) dramamine [26 Feb 2007|09:37pm] [ mood | sad ] Another misunderstanding. That's what you call it. The idea creeps up my throat again.

(by the way) rows of houses all bearing down on me [22 Feb 2007|03:08pm] Heather and I have our tickets for the dirty south. Life here has hit some turbulence but I find refuge in dim lighted Sissy K's and cat naps with Shannon and Heather. The ice is still thick and threatening, but the air shows sign of warmth.

(1 TRIED TO STAY | by the way) [08 Feb 2007|03:04pm] I'm going to miss Jamie more than I even know. Why is the only decent guy moving to Cali this Saturday?

(by the way) [17 Jan 2007|09:29pm] I don't wait around anymore Affection that's always just out of reach. Hang your head with your hat and coat. And don't loose your ticket. ------------------------------ Days grow old I grow vicious.

(by the way) the circle of destruction [11 Jan 2007|09:21am] Awake All that changes is scenery. Warped feelings pretending to be into it. I can't breath when you kiss me And it's not a good thing. Pass me my drink. I need to forget the things I've done. Erase the memory of me pressed Against your old married body. You pay for my time With crushed white lines. After it's over It hardly seems worth it. --------- Work in a mere seven hours. I debate with myself whether I should try and stick it out Or take the easy way out

(by the way) [11 Jan 2007|08:30am] Losing myself underneath The all too familiar peril Help me keep My head afloat. Puedes ver More appealing than your ordinary Tuesday. I never know when to leave the party. The early am doesn't even affect My pulsing body.

(by the way) [10 Jan 2007|09:11pm] Don't get yourself too excited.

(by the way) the great gig in your mind [04 Jan 2007|10:04am] Deanna and I began our new year with a two am bus ride to the Big Apple. There were only seven or so other people on the bus, and we were all stretched out across the rows. He drove so quickly our bodies slammed around on the carpeted seats. We arrived an 1 1/2 early. I've never seen New York so quiet. The cold gripped us but we walked on, searching Michelle's makeshift map for clues. We tried to doze off in Grand Central but the security guard thought otherwise. We walked the entire city, just waiting for shops to open. The sun never shines in the heart of the city. It's a terribly windy and skyless place. We must've circled the village three or four times before signs of life emerged from gated store fronts. We swindled our way around the carts, never taking the original price. I asked a clerk where the nearest piercing salon was, and immediatedly was whisked away to a back room in a nearby store. Operation Ivy was playing from a cheap stereo. I was hesitant but watched him follow procedure, and handed him my cash. We both got new pieces, and new piercings. My nose, and her ears. After a few lifts, we ran to catch the Lucky Star, and made it back to B town before eight pm. And was greeted by a home cooked meal, and my package from Miami containing chronic. What more could a girl want?

(1 TRIED TO STAY | by the way) return to sender [30 Dec 2006|10:49am] love will be the death of me, it starts with a flood but it ends with a drip, drip, drip. -spektor My gettaway in Florida has me seriously debating next year. I don't really know what I expect. It's always more. Everyone back home walks around with bug ugly scars on their egos. Hiding the bruises behind their agression. We hop into our private quaters, start the ignition, and fill the spaces with a purchased high. It's just that there's nothing better to do. I wonder if there's any possible way to move to California sooner rather than later. Maybe I need a new crowd.

(2 TRIED TO STAY | by the way) [15 Dec 2006|01:48am] it's so close i can smell the salt in the air.

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