FRECKLES in our EYES

Sleepwalking.

Sat, 14 Nov 2009 09:17:45 GMT

I drown in disbelief. i've lost many friends this month.

as time passes i realize my mistakes, and those of my once dependent friends. And it makes no difference..

I am who I am because of the bullshit. And despite where I end up; Miami has my heart. I will leave this place with affection and respect, but not once will I look back.

because you know that i can

Mon, 27 Apr 2009 10:39:02 GMT

because you know that i can
Category: Art and Photography
Forever crashing beauties
Take form of even the
Most abstract animals.
I wish to share the sarrow.
Perhaps they deserve it.

I love you because you were extracted violently
From this drug ridden womb.
I love you but
I don't like ya.

I'd like to sit inside your mind
Even if it's just to pass the time.

It's useless to pretend that
I can't tell the difference
From start to end.

this is the place

Sat, 27 Dec 2008 21:23:12 GMT

today i am much better than all the yesterdays put together. i am stable, independent and happy. i just miss my art.
here's to the new year. let it be better than the last.
let there be more art filled moments.

Fri, 02 May 2008 04:43:34 GMT

the sky is the limit,
atleast for you.

you don't even know me
yet so quick to judge.

does it make you feel good?
to strut your lawyer ass around
do you feel like a man with
coke grabbing onto your upper lip.

you say im too abstract,
i was a fool to think you'd understand.

twenty six doesn't mean shit to me.

the sunlight hit me DEAD in the eye, like IT'S mad i GAVE half the day to LAST NIGHT

Wed, 09 Apr 2008 04:19:49 GMT

It's been ages. I think back to who i was a year ago. What a terrible, confused, damaged person i was. I wish I could take all the wrongs back, but those wrongs helped me discover where i belong, atleast for now. I'm genuienly happy. Great job, great friends.

I was working at NIKKI BEACH not too long ago and a young woman came up to be once her 60 year old date was out of earshot. And she whispered; "Marry someone who loves you more than you love them. True love doesnt wait more than a subway car."

Thu, 13 Dec 2007 08:00:01 GMT

I know it's been a while
But I'm glad you came

I'm in a comfortable place, my arrival long overdue.

much love to everyone out there

firE RISING

Sat, 20 Oct 2007 01:57:26 GMT

For the first time in over two years I feel calm. Not a controlled substance calm, the calm and happiness that seizes the personality that I onced owned. Seized it and forced not only a smile, but a whistle. I have never whistled. Not in my whole life. I'm finally moving out, in an "up and coming neighborhood" and i can keep my vices at a distance. Sagittarius has finally left...see you in 27 years.

I think I'll minor in astrology. It's the only thing that's ever given me reason to believe.

"its a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself."

November first

"I wanna look good naked."

Divorcing Kendall...

Doni said something today, about how beck says i suck dick for weed.
I know i shouldnt be surprised, but for a short, yet endless time, all that mattered to us was eachother. But just as soon as he's won over by the next love, does he abandon friendship, trust and respect.

I can't wait to start over.

I wish i could talk to michelle and claire.
I know I screwed up, but we each spread our poison, I'd just like to apologize and see how they are.

"man you are one twisted fuck."

-no i'm just and ordinary chick, with nothing to lose."

shani, heather, lara, asha, and anyone else, i wish you the best

feliz

Sat, 05 May 2007 13:04:12 GMT

My muscles grow tired as time continues forward.
Can i even type?

I received an invitation to move to nyc... i almost took it, and then regained sensibility. Cali is calling, along with all the other demons of the south. Shall I recover from the great overbearing shadow?

I wrote tonight, hopefully it won't be in vain.

feliz cinco de mayo

Where is home?

Mon, 19 Mar 2007 22:09:42 GMT

The wind pulls lightly at the frays in my confidence. But only, so slightly. She once whispered everything to me. When I saw her dressed in a backless robe, a face as pale as the hospital bed she lay crumpled on, then I knew. These hearts would never beat the same.
Caught in our constructed state of mind, so fragile. She bruises me with her eyes, and I turn away. Her fragile mind, so easily bent under the weight of my words. Manipulative. Her face breaks into sobs, and I wonder if she hears herself lie.

Sat, 10 Mar 2007 16:00:32 GMT

The warmth blankets my stress
And I allow my bones to sink deep into the blinding sand.
I try not think about this years' fumbles.
The lost friendships that may never have be true to begin with.
I miss Elvis and Shannon & Heather. But that is all. I'm glad to be far from that place.
That place with negative degree weather, and whipping unforgiving winds
that are parallel to the people who dwell in the gray city.

There isn't much to hold onto.
It's an unfamiliar, but strangely welcoming feeling

dramamine

Tue, 27 Feb 2007 02:32:54 GMT

Another misunderstanding.

That's what you call it.

The idea creeps up my throat again.

rows of houses all bearing down on me

Thu, 22 Feb 2007 21:08:42 GMT

Heather and I have our tickets for the dirty south. Life here has hit some turbulence but I find refuge in dim lighted Sissy K's and cat naps with Shannon and Heather. The ice is still thick and threatening, but the air shows sign of warmth.

Thu, 08 Feb 2007 21:04:40 GMT

I'm going to miss Jamie more than I even know.

Why is the only decent guy moving to Cali this Saturday?

Thu, 18 Jan 2007 04:17:31 GMT

I don't wait around anymore
Affection that's always just out of reach.

Hang your head with your hat and coat.
And don't loose your ticket.
------------------------------

Days grow old
I grow vicious.

the circle of destruction

Thu, 11 Jan 2007 14:41:53 GMT

Awake

All that changes is scenery.

Warped feelings
pretending to be into it.

I can't breath when you kiss me
And it's not a good thing.

Pass me my drink.
I need to forget the things I've done.

Erase the memory of me pressed
Against your old married body.

You pay for my time
With crushed white lines.

After it's over
It hardly seems worth it.
---------

Work in a mere seven hours.
I debate with myself whether I should try and stick it out
Or take the easy way out

Thu, 11 Jan 2007 13:30:51 GMT

Losing myself underneath
The all too familiar peril

Help me keep
My head afloat.

Puedes ver

More appealing than your ordinary Tuesday.
I never know when to leave the party.

The early am doesn't even affect
My pulsing body.

Thu, 11 Jan 2007 02:11:39 GMT

Don't get yourself too excited.

the great gig in your mind

Thu, 04 Jan 2007 15:24:43 GMT

Deanna and I began our new year with a two am bus ride to the Big Apple. There were only seven or so other people on the bus, and we were all stretched out across the rows. He drove so quickly our bodies slammed around on the carpeted seats. We arrived an 1 1/2 early. I've never seen New York so quiet. The cold gripped us but we walked on, searching Michelle's makeshift map for clues. We tried to doze off in Grand Central but the security guard thought otherwise. We walked the entire city, just waiting for shops to open. The sun never shines in the heart of the city. It's a terribly windy and skyless place. We must've circled the village three or four times before signs of life emerged from gated store fronts. We swindled our way around the carts, never taking the original price. I asked a clerk where the nearest piercing salon was, and immediatedly was whisked away to a back room in a nearby store. Operation Ivy was playing from a cheap stereo. I was hesitant but watched him follow procedure, and handed him my cash. We both got new pieces, and new piercings. My nose, and her ears.
After a few lifts, we ran to catch the Lucky Star, and made it back to B town before eight pm. And was greeted by a home cooked meal, and my package from Miami containing chronic. What more could a girl want?

return to sender

Sat, 30 Dec 2006 16:02:50 GMT

love will be the death of me,
it starts with a flood
but it ends with a drip, drip, drip.
-spektor

My gettaway in Florida has me seriously debating next year. I don't really know what I expect. It's always more.
Everyone back home walks around with bug ugly scars on their egos. Hiding the bruises behind their agression. We hop into our private quaters, start the ignition, and fill the spaces with a purchased high. It's just that there's nothing better to do.

I wonder if there's any possible way to move to California sooner rather than later.

Maybe I need a new crowd.

Fri, 15 Dec 2006 06:49:56 GMT

it's so close i can smell the salt in the air.

Tue, 12 Dec 2006 06:31:08 GMT

Today started badly and ended well.
I finally feel like I might not screw up my finals as badly as I had thought.

Who needs kids when you have a cat like Elvis

Mon, 27 Nov 2006 02:29:05 GMT

smoking away my sorrows
not a satisfiable, noe a pernament solution.

oh me, oh my.
for while now i have lost myself.

who can pull me back?
and what pushes me away?

venta y siete

Thu, 02 Nov 2006 14:24:39 GMT

I'm torn between letting the butterflies or my common sense take control of this one.

siempre

Tue, 31 Oct 2006 21:29:06 GMT

To all my killers and my hundred dollar billers
To emo kids that got too many feelings

He held the register open while he counted her change
I was next in line which meant I was invisible
From where I stood I could see that the till was full
He didn't look the type to play superhero
So I stepped forth and paid for my cigarettes
Crept out the stores front door to chase a little breath
Bangles in my head, shake the song off
Another manic Monday night, its gonna be a long walk

A car pulled up, a fixed up Cutlass
A woman and a child climbed out and left it running
They went inside of the deli, placed an order
With the extra dollar fifty bottled water 'cause the daughter's picky
When they came out mommy gave me a glance
That said, "Man can love an angel but he's got to take the chance"
Already knew the deal, I lit one up and walk
So they got back in the Oldsmobile, belted up, and took off

Thug love on the corner by the Walgreens
Lookin' at me like I'm just another square saltine
As I get closer I notice they showin' each other sketches
Out of their notebooks, reminded me of my old roots

I walk past with a nod and a reminisce
Swear to god hip hop and comic books was my genesis
Respect the life and the fashions of the children
It's the only culture I've got, exactly what we've been buildin'

All of a sudden I'm in front of some man
No he's a youngin' but he's got a gun in his hand
He looks fifteen, he looks frantic, no he looks afraid
Immediately apprehensive til I heard him say
"Do you want this? It's not mine I promise
I found it on my block in between a couple garages
Didn't wanna leave it for a child to stumble over
I don't even know how to hold it."

It was a thirty-eight, the poor man's machete
Held it in my hand, thinking, "Damn man it's heavier then expected,"
wedged it behind my belt buckle
knowin' that its evil, even thought that I could smell trouble
the extra strength felt weak,
but over there on the corner saw what I needed and proceeded to cross the
street
put the heat in the mail box to loose it
figured that the post office knows whats best to do with it

Mosey down the road thinkin' 'bout the old
I use to roam this zone with two feet of snow
Right here, this use to be a record shop
I've gotten love, I've gotten drunk, I've gotten beat up in that parking lot
I've had my Lake Street pride for three decades
These alleyways, and these streetlights have seen my best days
Before I was a germ learnin how to misbehave,
All the way to the grave, south side is my resting place

Took a right on Lyndale I'm getting near
But then the road became empty and the people disappeared
The clouds ran away, opened up the sky
And one by one I watched every constellation die
And there I was frozen, standin' in my backyard
Face to face, eye to eye, starin' at the last star
I should've known, walked all the way home
To find that she wasn't here, I'm still all alone

No matter where I am, no matter what I do
I'm always coming back home to you
They can leave me for dead they can take away my true
I'm always coming back home to you
Through the lies and the sins that ride the wind that blew
I'm always coming back home to you
As sure as the life in the garden that you grew
I'm always coming back home to you
No matter where I am, no matter what I do
I'm always coming back home to you
If only I had known what you already knew
I'm always coming back home to you
From the heaven I've had to the hell I been through
I'm always coming back home to you

smoke and mirrors

Thu, 26 Oct 2006 17:24:44 GMT

I woke up feeling fulfilled, and happy. I really like my job and everyone I work with.
Even our heatless house is clean and inviting.

Extreme highs and lows, outrageously spontaneous for no reason and with no warning.